I can't make a good friend. But come to think of it, no one's ever by my side when i overflow. I say the wrong things at wrong times, and all i can do after that is apologise. People talk to me about things, and all i can do is absorb and listen. And the next moment, i say things out by accident. I feel like im gonna explode anytime. There's still so many... so many many inside my head. This is the worst lost i've made in years. Why do i feel my heart ache so much? Why am i crying? Guilt has always been written all over my face. But no one gets to see it. They still get close to me without knowing the risk. How many more will i lose in the future? I've always wished i'm a time traveller, i've always wished to sleep and dream my way away forever.

It's driving me crazy. Being afraid of living, both the pain and laughter. Its ironic. How dangerous the world can be even with your closest people. Being afraid of losing even when you laugh along. Being afraid of mistakes as you listen. Being afraid of saying as you speak. Yeah, i am also another paranoid person. I now believe that friendship is a very fragile thing. I've lost at least 6friends this month. Its only the 7th day of the month, and still counting.

What is wrong with me? How will i survive?

I am sorry to all i have hurt. I am even shameful of myself. I've been a very ugly friend to you all. I know...